FishDreamer scribbles: Seeking Serenity Online

Saturday, 5 March 2005

What's Been Going On

It's Saturday afternoon, and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee in front of me and an apple fritter inside of me. Mellow music is playing, a candle of one of my favorite scents is lit on my desk, and I am relaxed and happy. I'm thinking about trying something new for dinner tonight, maybe something from a cookbook. Not too spicy or heavy, since Mr D has been ill for a week now and won't be up for it. Soup? Hmm. I made split pea soup last Sunday, I think. It was very good. I made chili Thursday, a bit too spicy for him but I thought it was really good.

I think I will break out the cookbooks in a bit and let my imagination loose. I haven't had much time with Anthony Bourdain's Les Halles Cook Book, so maybe I'll start there.

I just went through a week of training on process and projects and basically how to organize what we do more efficiently and effectively. It wasn't always fun, but somehow I came out of it with a renewed faith in my company (damn, there are some smart people there!) and new friends. We did a simulation exercise yesterday at the end of the week, and people came out of it completely frustrated and really angry. It was tough (I got pissed off about it too, although I knew exactly why and it was a really good thing to learn), but they turned it around and showed why it was designed to fail like that. You have to learn why things fail when you don't do all the things we'd learned. and cramming it into three hours was painful, but showed exactly what we needed to learn.

It was good, the food was too much, and I am wary about getting back to my regular work. I had most of an entire week away from the computer and from my usual round of work, and I don't really want to go back to normal. I want to move forward, and I'm trying to figure out how to do that. I can do so much more than what fits into my current job, and I think I'm getting stifled and bored. This is never a good thing; I am apt to give up and be a stodgy lump when I'm bored. Boredom is why I almost failed a few subjects in high school. (There's another lesson I'm glad I learned early!) Not quite sure what to do about it, but at least I know I have to do something soon.

See, the bad thing about this week of training is that now I remember what it's like to work with motivated people in a place where success is possible. My co-workers right now (and, if I'm honest, me and my boss as well) are not motivated, and we are not going to be allowed to succeed. The operation is set up to fail. It's so much better than it was a year ago, and it's still doomed. I hate working with good people being sent into the meat grinder - it's horribly demoralizing. I want out, I'm afraid. I want us all to get out, and the people who set up this failure path to be forced to deal with the consequences themselves.

Yeah, I'm angry about it. It really could be so much better than it is, if only. And I don't love all my co-workers, but I do think they're all good people.

So, I am going to stop right there lest I kill my good mood. The rest of my week was interesting. Monday I was completely flattened when I got home, and with Mr D sick we decided not to go to fencing. That helped a lot, I think, in keeping me from falling apart.

Tuesday night, my sister brought her kids here to hang with Mr D while she and I went out to dinner with that guy who was in the hospital earlier this year, who I called D. He was back down from Alaska for some tests, so we met him at his hotel and quickly decided on Indian food. I picked a restaurant not too far away that I knew was good, and it wasn't until we were at a table with menus that I found out neither of them had ever had Indian food before. We got naan to start, and a round of beer. I picked a spinach paneer dish, my sister got coconut prawns, and D picked a chicken curry. Shared them out, had a really good time, and everyone agreed it was good. Sis thought the chicken was too hot, and D thought nothing was hot enough, so we agreed next time he and I would get hot food and she'd get mild. It really was a blast, for all three of us. That also helped me keep my spirits up this week, as did his email two days later saying the doctor found nothing wrong and he's free to forget about all the trauma as soon as his headaches stop (which they will).

Wednesday I went to fencing, while Mr D did not as he was (and is) still ill. I have been unsure if I wanted to continue after the first month, but it was really good and I had a great time. We're learning how to make and parry different attacks, and spent 50 minutes on drills and learning and only the last ten on sparring. I suck at that, but since my partners were all people from the advanced class I didn't mind that they got all the touches. It's all learning to me, and I only got one bruise this time, so I count it a success.

Thursday I went running and made chili, and had beer. Friday (last night), after class the group of us went down to the bar and my lead bought me a beer. I hung out for over an hour, and then came home to finish up that report I do every Friday. I didn't manage to get it sent until after 8, because I was eating and reading and bouncing back and forth between the computer and Buffy on television (Mr D was watching season 3, and all the Initiative stuff makes me angry and bored so I kept leaving every time that came back on). But I got it done, I had a manhattan, I finished the scarf I was knitting from my first skein of yarn, and then I went to bed and slept mostly well for nine hours.

I woke up with work things running in my mind, and when the mind gets going before the feet hit the floor I know I'm up no matter whether I wanted to be up or not. We've been out of milk for a week, so I put a hat on my uncombed hair (curls, you know, so I can't really comb it) and walked up to the grocery store. The Girl Scouts were setting up when I went in for apple fritters and milk, and I made them very happy when I came outside looking for cookies. I only had $5 so I got one box, and really they're for Mr D (the peanut butter sandwich ones).

It's really nice outside. Intermittent sun and clouds, warm soft air, smells of flowers and grass and green growing things. I want to go run in the woods, but I'm afraid it will rain if I try. I'm also getting to the point where I'm going to have to shave my legs again so I can wear shorts instead of winter running pants. I overheat too easily, you see. Running on Thursday involved a long sleeve shirt and the Sporthill classic long pants I got last year. I was comfortable, but I can tell if it doesn't cool down again (it's near 60 today) I'll be showing my legs more often.

I want to go read my book and relax for awhile, so I'm off. Have a lovely weekend!

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