FishDreamer scribbles: Seeking Serenity Online

Friday, 5 August 2005


I am sitting here all alone, listening to music a lot louder than I usually do. I've been up and dancing out the emotion. Singing along.

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't want to have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I can never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

Thank you, Rob Thomas. (Lyrics from "Lonely No More")

I'm pondering my future, I'm thinking of possibilities and opportunities, and I just... the ever-welling hope won't leave me. I may be sad, I may have tumult and pain and upheaval in my present, but I know there will be happiness. I think that knowledge is what's saving me from slipping back into depression, right now.

It would be so easy to get depressed again. There isn't a lot in my life that's going really well right now, and there are a lot of things going badly. The good things are not unalloyed joy, they are mostly good with a tinge of sad or trouble attached. One good happy thing with no shadow of wrongness to it would be worth a lot to me right now, but I have not been able to keep the problems out of anything.

Which, really, is simply the way it should be. That's just the way things are when one's life is making a fairly major shift like this. I don't have to like it, I just have to get through it, learn what I need to learn from all this, and move on. I hold onto the core of myself and my place in the universe, and I will be fine.

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