FishDreamer scribbles: Seeking Serenity Online

Friday, 3 September 2004

Sometime Sociality

Technically it's now Saturday, because it's 1:20 a.m., but I haven't been to bed yet so it's still Friday to me. And I really ought to go to bed, because I'm tired and sort of sour, but I had such a great second half of my day that I just had to share. Especially after the week I had!

Work was fairly dead today, as it usually is on the Friday before a long weekend. The boss was there, and some time in the afternoon I finally went and had a chat with him. I asked him if anyone told him what was going on, and if there's anything going on in specific. And I told him some of the specific things that have been going on that I thought he ought to know about (although not all of them), and we established that I need to push harder on the people involved to tell him themselves because it can't come through me all the time. That's all second hand, and it's not enough.

It was good. I feel much better. And he took steps to get feedback from everyone, so I'm really hoping it happens. If he gets a good idea of what's going on, and if they get to unburden and then maybe see some results from that, it might actually get better. That's my hope.

I told him I wasn't happy, which he didn't know. And I told him why, and it's all fine. It's good. He knows I can't do some of the things I want to do because I don't have the information to get there and no one is helping me. Maybe this is part of the reason why I'm getting further technical training (to the point where I need to study on my own first so I don't hold the rest of the class back). I was not intending to go into this particular field of technology, but learning is never wasted and if it keeps me where I want to be then yay for training.

So then I went home and changed, and we went out to dinner with friends. This is just so cool - it's two different couples we know and we're all interconnected. One couple is his best man and his wife, the other is my friend Redtail from my former women's group and her husband. And best man's wife studied with my friend from the women's group, and they met independent of me and Mr D. It was a great time, I had the bestest burger for dinner, and then we went over to Redtail's house and hung out for a while. The men all got to chatting about all kinds of stuff, and the women painted glaze on chalices (Redtail has a kiln and a potter's studio out back). So I will have a new chalice I painted myself. There was only one green in the collection of glazes, and Redtail was using the blues the whole time, so mine will be externally a study in pink to purple colors, and internally I used Irish Green glaze to go over the drips from the clay before it was fired and then painted a rose heart at the base of the inside.

I do not consider myself to be at all crafty. My craft is words, not visual arts. Normally I wouldn't do something like that chalice, because I suck at it. But Redtail had about ten blanks, and I picked one that was completely lopsided and imperfect. So it will be perfect, because mediocre amateur art fits beautifully on a lopsided chalice.

We talked about how our group used to go on a retreat every year, and how maybe now we could go with our menfolks as well. And I asked to come to the Fall Equinox ritual Redtail's holding in a few weeks. I've missed her, so much. And she told me about how our group came to its final end (I was not invited), and where she's going now. And I admit to a sneaking interest. It's been more than two years since I left that group, and I'm ready to consider alternatives and new paths. As is she, so that works out quite well.

It was fun, it was fulfilling, it fed my soul, and Mr D really enjoyed it too. We have so few couple friends, and so few friends at all who understand and appreciate our views on life. I don't have to agree with everyone, but I can't spend a whole lot of time around anyone who negates or devalues what I believe in. And it's wonderful to spend time with other people who feel that way too.

I didn't want to go because it's Friday and I was tired after a very trying week. But we were supposed to do this in early August and it fell through, so I wasn't going to pass again. And I'm so glad. I needed to remember that there are people out there who've known me for a long time who understand and know where I've been and they still like me and this weird, difficult, wonderful man I spend my life with.

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