FishDreamer scribbles: It ain't over yet.

Tuesday, 25 May 2004

For the High Queen

I got an email today from one of my college friends. She was thinking of me (birthdays will do that, I was thinking of her recently too since hers is about a week before mine), and remembered I have a website. Hi, High Queen! I miss you too, and thanks to your second message tonight I am going on a little tour down memory lane.

There was a group of us who hung out together in college, and we all had our Queendoms. I was the Belch Queen, because you could hear me rip from the other end of the hall, while you were on the other side of the fire door. You were the High Queen, and we shared a room with the BJ Queen and then I don't remember what Parker's Queendom was. What was it? We were in a kind of club with the Slut Muffin Queen and the Funnel Queen. Anyway, memories.

I don't honestly remember how we met. It must have been through my blonde freshman roommate, since you're both from the same state. We met in the later part of first semester, and somehow we decided we wanted to be roommates the next year. You already had another roommate, so there were three of us who celebrated with some nice cold Busch bar bottles before I went off to Germany at the end of Jan Plan.

I remember you doing my hair and lending me your black strapless lace dress for the DU Christmas party. You were my introduction to hair mousse that night. I also remember how I popped out of that dress at that party.

When I got back for sophomore year, there were four of us in two rooms. That was the year of CR and D? (what was his last name? B-something? I can't remember), wasn't it? I probably wasn't the best of roommates ever, but I tried. Remember the tuna sandwiches behind the door? Nasty! I wore your sweaters, we went to parties and smoked and drank together. You went to the Bahamas for spring break. I turned 21 during finals, and we found a bottle of that punch behind the couch when we moved out. That's the year of Head of the Charles and skinnydipping, and my grandmother died. I had a rough spring when my boyfriend took off for Germany for a semester. I'm a pain, I know it. I try to make up for it by being helpful.

Junior year you were gone, and I lived alone in the smallest room on campus for a semester. Then I moved to a bigger one in a quiet dorm, and BJ Queen moved into that room. She has much better style than I do, and managed to make it a nice room. You came out to visit me and Funnel Queen in Tahoe that summer after, and we had an interesting time. Do you remember Steve from the store?

Senior year we shared again, and since I had draw number 4 we got one of the two-room doubles on the popular side of campus. (I hate to admit it, but I liked it better on the unpopular side. It was okay, I just missed my usual dining hall and the people over there.) It wasn't a great year all around, but it was good. Do you remember coming home one morning to find Dave S crawling out of my bed? Heh. (My college boyfriend is no longer among the living, so I can finally admit this one. I will say that I don't remember that night, I completely blacked out and I'm fairly certain I passed out on him and nothing happened. But damn, I was miserable that semester. That's why I drank so much.)

Let's not talk about graduation, shall we? The good part was that we made it, the bad part was everything else, including knowing we were being split up.

And we came to visit each other on our opposite sides of the country a couple of times after college, and then I pulled probably the stupidest biggest bonehead move of my life. Well, maybe not the biggest, but it was really moronic. And I made you hate me for a while, I hurt one of your best friends, and I've always regretted that. I don't know why I did it. I still don't, I never will. I apologized, and eventually the guilt and the misery abated and we were friends again. (Again, I'm really sorry and I don't know what possessed me and I wish it had never happened.)

Years later, you took me back to Maine with you. We stayed for a week in a house at Isleboro, and we did nothing but read, eat lobster, hike around the beach, and do puzzles. You were stressed out of your mind with work, and I was depressed. I didn't know it then, but as it lifted because of that week I figured it out. Did I ever tell you that? Thank you for that week, it was wonderful. Remember the sandwiches at that store? I can't find my hat, but I know I still have it. I think it's in a box. I want that hat.

It's not so much that we've grown apart over the years, I think it's more that we live so far apart. I would love to meet up and go for beer, or have you over for dinner. Go for a walk on a Sunday, or do a 5K together. I wish I could come to reunion next month, and I wish I had been able to go last time. I will be there for the 20th, somehow. I will. But in the meantime, I will be visiting in your state at the end of July and would love to see you. We're going to Mr D's mom's again. It's a whole family reunion but we're planning to stay on after.

It's hard to be someone with friends in so many places, because I never get to see them and it's easy to slip out of regular contact. Thank the gods for email, or I wouldn't know where anyone is. Oh, and I'm really sorry to have lost friends because of my depression. (BJ Queen being one of those, and I still can't blame her at all but it makes me sad. Please tell her I said hi, would you?)

I will always be your friend, and there is always room at my house for you anytime. I would love to sit down over coffee (I don't smoke anymore, but you knew that, right?) and relax together for a week or two. I don't have many other friends who would think spending a hung over Sunday morning in bed with romance novels and McD's breakfast was a fine way to spend time together. People you can relax with and not even have to talk to are rare and precious.

I miss you too. And I love you too. Thanks for not letting go.

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