FishDreamer scribbles: Seeking Serenity Online

Saturday, 25 June 2005


I'm trying to get settled in to do some of the freelance work I need to do this weekend, but I can't focus. I just spent half an hour loading music into my player, and now I want to go get the last cup of coffee, maybe stretch, read my book, look for something interesting and/or profound to check out. I was looking at sample designs for tattoos, because I've always wanted one but I have no idea what or where to put it. I'm just itching to do something, to talk to someone, for movement. But I have work to do and the house to myself for a couple of hours, and I really need to get to it.

It's 60 F outside and overcast, but still muggy. If I hadn't gone for five miles in the woods yesterday (hello, beloved Shy Bear Trail!) I'd go for a run to settle myself. Maybe I should do some yoga or something to get centered. Something. Something besides eating, which would ground me but make me feel icky. I'm not hungry, not for food.

I started having doubts again last night. Have I tried enough, have I been clear and reasonable, do I really know what I want? No, I don't. That's a lot of the problem. I just know what I have is not what I want.

And in the middle of typing that, my internet connection disappeared. Dammit. I wonder if someone forgot to pay the bill again. Guess the plan to chat online just went poof. As did any thought of posting this before Mr. D gets back from the movies later. Fucknuggets.

That's one way to make sure I get some work done. If I can't check Chicklit or any of the other places I hang out online, the only reason to be at my computer is to work. Right, I get the hint.

Except that I can't do the work without reference to the project website, so I'm stuck here. I finished my book (Past the Size of Dreaming by Nina Kiriki Hoffman, third book in a series) and I don't really feel like doing much else. I feel so disconnected!

(Three hours later...) I was right, someone forgot to pay the bill again. That's so bloody irritating. Back online now, ready to get some work done (I hope). Once I eat something. And I want to go for a bike ride for some bizarre reason. Can't do it though, my tires need new tubes. I haven't ridden my bike in probably two years. They had a whole bunch of road work on my favorite route and I couldn't go there, so I stopped going.

We'll see. I need to do something before I drive myself insane. Happy weekends to you all, I'm out.

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