FishDreamer scribbles: Seeking Serenity Online

Tuesday, 25 January 2005

Why can't we just fix it?

I was having a conversation with the Duchess today and I realized something. I simply hadn't put this into words before. I am tired of mysterious physical ailments and poor medical response. I have been to the doctor four times for my right foot. I've been in at least six times over three years for the recurring ache and issues with my throat and left ear. I never get any satisfactory follow-up, I just get antibiotics and non-medical suggestions.

The worst is my back and neck though. The neck thing hit the worst in September 2003. I've been through months of chiropractic, massage, and physical therapy. It gets a bit better, I start to feel like we might have a chance to finish this so I can be without pain, and then insurance runs out or tells me I've exhausted my coverage.

I haven't had a single year without being forbidden to exercise for some months since 2000. I do NOT want to stop running. I do not want to stop working out. I do want to stop having pain. One of the easiest things I can do to ease the pain is to lose weight, but I have a very hard time losing weight if I can't exercise.

The yoga really helps. I hope to go back to Bikram this spring. It's too crowded in winter, plus the shock of going from under 50 to over 100 degrees is too much. I can't take it. So I'll aim for April or so, when all the new year's exercisers have given up.

I don't have a big rant, or any major point. I'm just sick of all this. I know as I get older, my body will work less well, and I want to keep active and fit so I can avoid that as long as possible. This requires me to be able to run. It would be nice to be painfree for a while, longer than a few hours. It would be nice to be able to do things and not worry about hurting. It would be nice to know that's even possible, but given the state of medicine and insurance right now, I can't even know that.

Whine. Bitch. Moan. Complain. I need to do something about this, don't I? Gah. I need to check out my new insurance plan and find out what I can do without a visit to the doctor. And stuff. Couldn't keep my old insurance (which wasn't totally great anyway) since my company dropped it.

We'll see what happens.

To cheer us all up, or at least me, I've organized a picture of me and Mr D. It's from our beach vacation last August, when I was relaxed and warm and happy. He was focused on something else when this was taken, hence the blank expression.

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