Tuesday, 16 August 2005
I sit here in a darkening room, listening to music and sniffling as the decongestants kick in. I want to write, but there are too many things crowding in my head that I either can't or won't express. I'm having a difficult time, roiling into chaos on occasion, and I'm so tired of it. I don't mind a little spontaneity or unexpected things, but when nothing ever happens as it should and I'm constantly feeling under fire, I get a little cranky.
I've been sick something like once a month this year so far. Probably for the last year. I know a lot of that is the stress I've been under, and some of it is also getting a handle on my escalating allergies. This sucks. I never had allergies until about 1999, and now I apparently have them all year round. I am now on a short course of serious decongestants to get my sinuses under control so I can function, and I have to take nasal steroids (prescription allergy drugs) for the foreseeable future. I fought the nose spray for years, but I'm going to have to do it. The allergy pills I have did nothing for this, so I'm kinda stuck.
I'm still crying regularly, but I don't feel quite so hopeless today. I'm kind of happy, in a few different ways. Worried about some things, sad about others, but hopeful that with a lot of care and attention, I can get through this. I am hoping that this is the low point. Please, Universe, let this be the low point!
I have a content cat in my lap. It is somewhat amazing how happy that can make me, but I'd like it if he stopped putting his chin on the keyboard to sleep. And that's all I have right now. Good night!
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